Hello A/all

After the numerous "how was the meeting?" emails and all the other questions about the meeting, I decided to just sit down and write a response. I just sat down and wrote this out stream of consciousness style throughout the day, as most all of my blogs are written, so if I say something that harms someone somehow, just shoot me an email and I will gladly reword it or take it out all together.

General:

The meeting was truly something to see and was very positive. I am very happy I attended – even had front row seats to boot.

After some were done venting a little about those gosh darn young whippersnappers and meddling kids, I believe a lot of progress was made.

The meeting gave people a chance to voice their misunderstandings and misconceptions about non-leather BDSm lifestylers so we know how we need to educate them as we are also learning about the leather community ourselves. Work that is vital to building those bridges between the "similar but different communities" that are already starting to come together in friendship.

Most importantly, it gave people a chance to just "be" with one another and see that hanging out with people who hold different views isn't that bad, in fact, it was fun.

The best aspect of the meeting is that the meeting finally put a face on a group of people who have only been discussed in the abstract and beaten at the cross of rumour and conjecture with the whips of speculation and exaggeration for the last couple months – the Non-Leather BDSm Community, which some incorrectly refer to as performers, entertainers, pansexual and fetishists.

Here's a catch phrase BDSm that Entertains Isn't Always Entertainment

When great people/writers like Mr. Guy Baldwin are under the impression that BDSm as entertainment is what the NLBL community is about because we happen to do it in public and on a stage (a stage is the safest place to play in a club by the way), I think our work is cut out for us in terms of educating our sister communities as to where we are coming from and why we do what we do. I do agree with Mr. Baldwin that BDSm solely done as entertainment can be a recipe for disaster, which is why I didn't think it necessary to correct him there as he was speaking with one foot out of the door as there was somewhere else he needed to be. I am sure I will have the honour of chatting with him about his perspective another time.

After the meeting, I asked one of the Leatherman there about his views on public play, he said they do "demos" at bars and when I asked if those involved in the demo get into any kind of headspace, he looked at me like I was crazy for a brief second and then said that some might, but it's rare.

As Midori said at the meeting when she was talking about all the different types of play she has done, and there was a lot, and I paraphrase, there is play that happens to entertain others.

And I will add, just because I happen to do a scene that entertains someone, that does not make me an entertainer – I don't even rehearse. Nor does it mean we all feel the need to up the ante each week and do something more spectacular than the last week.

I will share that I personally use the audience as a tool to fuel my kink of exhibitionism. Whether the audience is"entertained" does not matter for me and isn't even on my mind. I do what arouses me and only me. For the ultimate kink, I do want people, and especially strangers, to be watching who are not really into what I am into so I feel that energy and actually feel like I am in public doing kinky things – I don't really get that at a play party or dungeon – and that's really hot to me.

So we being entertainers was one misconception that was probably the most misinformed for me personally, but thankfully, Jordan explained, and I paraphrase, the public play is BDSm, it is about people perfecting the Art and that no, we are not going to use a knife one week and bump it up to a "chain saw" the next week to keep the audience happy. And I will add, we don't have to up the ante because it's not about the audience for most.

Obstacles to Community Building Recognized and Addressed:

Another great aspect is that the meeting built some avenues of communication between the different groups which will facilitate the coming together envisioned by the meeting.

The meeting revealed there is a strong lack of embracing new, younger and interested individuals that has apparently been a problem for the more seasoned community and leather community for some time – I feel the beginnings of awareness of that problem are upon both communities now. I experienced this problem in the past, but after I played, seasoned and leather folk would be more open to talking to/accepting me.

Ironically, I met the person who's actions were one of the reasons the meeting came to be at a leather event and had seen him at leather events a number of times afterwards. I do not remember seeing anyone from the leather community talking to him or giving him more information on the lifestyle – I remember him sitting alone with his slave until I walked over and talked to him.

I doubt missed opportunities to get to know each other like the ones missed by the aforementioned person will not be missed so easily by others thanks to the meeting. Hopefully, in light of the meeting, I will not have to work as hard and feel like I am being too intrusive as I attempt to make friends and stick my hand out wearing a smile on my face.

Just because I do not live a leather lifestyle does not mean I don't want to break bread with leather folk, learn from leather folk, share with leather folk, and hang out with leather folk – I think that was a message was actualized after the meeting as I had the joy of partaking in a very informative and very mixed after-meeting dinner.

The NLBL is not without a record of shunning new comers. At the meeting, a Mistress recounted going to Threshold ten years ago, as a new person, and no one embraced/accepted her – I personally believe that problem has been addressed thanks to people like Bullwhip so it's different there now – but we still need to keep up the good work and the meeting was a reminder of that. She also recounted, that thanks to Mistress Cyan, who did embrace her back then, that person had someone to go to and learn from.

A Model to Get Around Obstacles to Community Building:

Also, the leather community has a good model to learn from in terms of accepting new comers. Like Master Max said, we need to start sharing more about our experience in the lifestyle – so I will share. When I came to the NLBL community, going on two years ago [which means a year and a half in scene speak, well, or ten years depending on the dialect, lol], I was embraced by all of the pillars in that community. Unlike some other communities I had come across, no one cared how experienced I was or how well I played, they just cared and were happy to make a new friend who had like interests. When I asked people to show me things and give me pointers, I was invited into their homes! [Thanks Orpheus, Patrick, Bullwhip, and anyone else I can't think of at the moment, there are more] I learned much and truly improved as a lifestyle Master, among other dimensions of the self, thanks to them. I was immediately invited to classes, parties, clubs [Dragon's Gate, Lair, Threshold – all three were very safe, open and accepting], and events like DomCon [thanks to Mistress Cyan who was also very open, informative and friendly] at all of which I had the opportunity to meet lifestylers like Orpheus, Bullwhip, Kane, Collin, Mal, Taz, Robert, Dan, Steven, Jeff, Jordan, just to name a few, all who made a real effort to make me feel at home and accepted – all without watching me play first or asking for, or caring about, my lifestyle resume, or that I might be a new comer to the lifestyle. It was a moving experience to say the least.

So to give back, for the last year and a half I have continued to community build within this accepting and supportive community, which is part of my inspiration to become as public as I am.

Like others in the NLBL community, I mentor, offer guidance, answer countless emails/questions from interested and new individuals, and taught at the Lair. I cannot think of any "newer" person who has not sought guidance and gotten it or who has not been approached by one of us. When those newer people make mistakes, both big and small, we continue to come together, discuss the matter at issue amongst each other and with them, continue to support them, and immediately offer to help such mistakes stay the isolated incident that they are.

Safety Ideas:

Some suggested Dungeon Monitors, which Cirque de Sade has been informally doing all along for the Hollywood venues. We haven't worn the traditional sashes, but the Jackets have kept things safe regardless and like a dungeon monitor, CDS members have been approached with many questions both in person at the clubs and online thanks to the Jacket and who we are.

And now, thanks to the bittersweet gift we have all been given, it's going to be much easier to be a part of the safety process because we will probably get more support from the club promoters, the NLBL community, the seasoned community and the Leather community to beef up our safety skills – as I am told, the Leather community offers countless classes concerning dungeon safety we will be taking advantage of in the future.

At the meeting, many of the suggestions made were the things that the NLBL community has been doing and continues to do. It made me feel good to inadvertently hear from an older group of lifestylers that we are on the right track, but may want to supplement what he have been doing to be even safer than we already are. [Five people at a play party who know CPR is far better than only two in my book.]

In my humble opinion, the next step is for more meetings, probably every four months or so, and for some of us to immediately start building some bridges between the different groups so we have a network of resources and support, which will be made easier with more meetings – and maybe, along the way, establish some really great friendships.

S.

Another catch phrase: The more we embrace, the less danger we face.

6:53 PM - 20 Comments - 21 Kudos - Add Comment

	*Perfectly Misbehaved*	Thank you so much for this detailed report Hopefully, future meetings will fall on a day where I am able to actually attend! ~Chas Posted by *Perfectly Misbehaved* on August 20, 2007 - Monday at 8:06 PM [Reply to this]

	Master Feenix	Thanks for being there and thanks for these excellent reflections on the event.... Posted by Master Feenix on August 20, 2007 - Monday at 9:22 PM [Reply to this]

	Pyro's puppet	Great post, thank You for continuing the discussion. i felt like it was a really great meeting. P/people coming together from the divided communities can only be a good thing. And it was wonderful to hear O/other's perspectives, even if i disagreed with some of the comments. One of the comments at the meeting that particularly rubbed me the wrong way was actually one that You commented on in this blog. What Guy Baldwin said about "entertainers" (which seemed to include all public players) struck me as insulting. i know that He was just expressing what He saw as one of the risks of SM "entertainment," but it felt like He was invalidating my Non-Leather lifestyle. i love playing. i love playing in public. And i love watching O/others play and getting ideas from T/their scenes and exchanging energy with the crowd. But i don't play for T/their entertainment. When the scene is over, i go home with my Master. And the M/s dynamic that W/we have is just as valid as any Leather M/s dynamic. You said it perfectly with Your catch phrase: BDSm that Entertains Isn't Always Entertainment. All that being said, the meeting included some great comments and ideas for education and bringing the divided communities together. Many P/people that i respect came out in support and i made some new F/friends. Thank Y/you to E/everyone who came. This meeting was a good start. Posted by Pyro's puppet on August 20, 2007 - Monday at 10:42 PM [Reply to this]

	WildnWicked *~* Fallen Angel	I will say in sideways kind of defense of Guy... lol.. he offends alot of people with what he says! I usually am in agreement with the spirit of what he is saying.. he just has a way of saying things to get people up in arms. At least they aren’t sitting on their collective passive asses anymore! If anyone can get the most passive person to have an opinion, it would be Guy. heh In behavioral modification there is a technique used .... exaggeration... blow something up larger than it truly is. Magnify it so that those who are intended to see it will deny the larger portion of the issue, but acknowledge that issue to a lesser degree. It is akin to negotiation…. I give you a large figure… you come back at me with a smaller figure… I give a bit.. you give a bit… we agree upon a final figure..but a figure none the less. In the end the reality of the problem is addressed. The man IS a shrink ya know! (although I do not mean to imply that I speak on his behalf) Posted by WildnWicked *~* Fallen Angel on August 21, 2007 - Tuesday at 8:30 AM [Reply to this]

	WildnWicked *~* Fallen Angel	What a workout that was! (hehe) It is interesting to begin hearing the different takes on the meeting. I have yet to start my blog on Sunday (I just finished Saturday! lol) It is early enough that I just might get on it tonight. however, I will be adding links in my blog to any other blog out there that refers to the event. Not sure if this one is public, but I will link to it if it is ok. Joanne (for those who were there and didn't get to meet me.. I was the one running the mic all over the place...hehe.. feel free to say hi!) Posted by WildnWicked *~* Fallen Angel on August 20, 2007 - Monday at 10:43 PM [Reply to this]

	Lady Solaris	Thank you very much for posting that blog it was very insightful. Posted by Lady Solaris on August 21, 2007 - Tuesday at 8:29 AM [Reply to this]

	Shelly	Thanks for this. I think we made a first good step. Here is part of what Guy said: Entertainment as the motive for doing BDSM stuff is a huge risk. Sexuality has very dubious entertainment value---pornography even, isn't made to entertain.....it it made to stimulate.......very different. I am not sure that is so much of a critical statement as a provocative one. I think Guy is excellent at stimulating further discussion. Posted by Shelly on August 21, 2007 - Tuesday at 9:08 AM [Reply to this]

	Mother Tink	Thank You Sire for posting an overview of the meeting. i am sorry that i was unable to attend. It seems as if alot of events are happening on the same nights or days to prevent full attendance....grrrrrr..... i will have to attend the next one and i hope to see some of O/our new leather friends out at O/our events so that T/they will experience O/our environment and be able to have a better view and judgment on it. Who knows, maybe W/we'll see T/them at Hell...... It is always good to see our normal A/attendees, but it would be nice to have many new faces. Hope to see all of Y/you out and about! Posted by Mother Tink on August 21, 2007 - Tuesday at 1:27 PM [Reply to this]

	Paindancer	Cool post, and thanks for the recap. Wish I could have been there but the mouse had me. Entropy and I discussed the meeting a great deal, and I am glad some things were handled as they were. I think, one thing I would have loved to address, is a correction to use of the term 'entertainer'. I think, 'Artisan' is a better term. I, am much more club oriented with my fetish play than in the home, for example (Hazzards of single parent I suppose). I am sure there are some who will question my 'worthyness' because I am less 'lifestyle' than others. When I am on stage, I personally do give some mind to the crowd. I think thats appropriate for some events like bondage ball, when I make the decision to decline to do a electrical scene on the main stage, for example, because I know it dosn't convey well at a distance. Still, while connecting with the crowd, I am not a slave to the crowd. I am not their submissive, performing for their amusement. In that light, I am sharing my art with them. They are a aspect of the canvas as much as the body of the person I am working with. For that reason, I am much more about perfecting my art, as opposed to wowing the crowd with the next big stunt. Posted by Paindancer on August 22, 2007 - Wednesday at 3:36 PM [Reply to this]

	Sweet angel baby!!	what does NLBL mean?? Posted by Sweet angel baby!! on August 24, 2007 - Friday at 6:45 PM [Reply to this]

	Bullwhip57	heh heh - I sit here thinking of what more I might say and all which comes to mind is.... ditto! btw - define "NLBL" - if you will Thank you for your kind and generous accolades - I appreciate your respect greatly. I'm also quite pleased to be able to offer similar accolades in your regard. Simon - you're a good man - and I don't care how damaging that statement is to your reputation..... sue me! ok - ok... I resisted as best I was able - but I will offer a thought of my own after all..... :::smile::: In all this "controversy" - I feel it simply boils down to everyone looking out for everyone else. When we see someone doing something (and know that they're not in full control of their faculties - or are approaching their activity in a less than safe manner) - then we must take it upon ourselves to seek out those in charge of the event at which we are in attendance and say something. We also must break out of our own shy-shells and approach new folks - if nothing more than to merely say, "hi - welcome to our world". I hope everyone would agree that those two actions do not require much of any energy or time on anyone's part - nor do they put the individual out in much of any way. And yet - the subsequent benefits will be felt for years and in circles of people far and wide. Indeed - these two actions (as you've already pointed out) have been practiced by many (if not most) in the LA community for many years and is a common part of what makes us here in SoCal so different (in a positive way) from leather communities in other parts of the country. Keep up sharing the positive energy Simon - you're rapidly becoming one of those "pillars" upon whom so many others will be able to turn to for support and guidance. I am happy to call you friend. Posted by Bullwhip57 on August 24, 2007 - Friday at 7:20 PM [Reply to this]

	DungeonCorp	I had a great time reading this blog and the responses...its very nice to know that folks out there are thinking and discussing and it will be interesting to see where it all goes...i would like to know, and i should ask, was any determination made about styles of acceptable play? Posted by DungeonCorp on August 26, 2007 - Sunday at 8:51 AM [Reply to this]

	Salome	This is a great overview of the meeting. Let me know if I might repost it as I could not have said it better myself and I have friends who are asking about it. Posted by Salome on August 26, 2007 - Sunday at 10:09 PM [Reply to this]